"Sorry." Pause. "Sorry, I don't mean to keep saying sorry."
- Quoted from my every day life
Confession: This blog posted started because I wanted to write a blog post apologizing for not updating the blog often enough.
I am not the first person to say sorry too often and I won't be the last. Perhaps, it is my desire to make sure people are happy that I turn to apologizing so frequently. I mainly do this when I feel I have disappointed them in some way or perhaps hurt them.
Apologizing is good.
But it can get out of hand.
More than that I fear it becomes meaningless the more I say it and for that I am sorry (couldn't stop myself). Sometimes I find myself apologizing the more I get close to someone and come to care for them. I want to keep them happy and I feel like I am constantly failing them. It's hard to put words to the feeling I get when I feel I have been less than perfect company, when the food I cooked wasn't amazing etc. I need to say the word...all the while knowing how annoying it can be. Sometimes I stop myself but mostly I feel I cannot.
My apologetic nature gets in my way constantly. I begin to think I am not worthy. How could I apply for that job? How could I think I could ever do X? It goes hand in hand with wanting to be perfect (spoiler alert: it will never happen).
Basically, it can become crippling. It took me a while to admit it to myself how damaging it was becoming in my life.
You go from merely apologizing to feeling guilt and obsessing over your every action.
Don't get me wrong - this isn't how I feel all the time but I do get those moments when I find myself doing this. It's hard but I have to take a breath and tell myself to stop.
Confession: Apologizing is the way I express fear.
As if this wasn't already clear but it's something I've come to realize recently (after some introspection).
I am afraid of disappointing someone and this is especially true when it comes to publishing books. It's hard to ignore the less than complimentary comments, just as it was hard to write the book itself. I find myself wanting to apologize for my failings over and over again.
But then I don't...
I love writing, I don't want to stop and I don't want to admit defeat because I started writing believing that if even one person likes my book then that's enough for me. So on I go despite the fear I feel. Negativity will always drown out positivity...if you let it.
Confession: I dream of being a cold-hearted B***
One of the movies on my 'guilty pleasure' list is the Devil Wears Prada.
So while I might be apologizing to you, there is also a chance I might be imagining myself as Miranda and telling you to "Just...
Spoiler alert: I was never the bully growing up but I sometimes wished I had the nerve to stand up to them.
Funnily enough, it was also my fear of being seen as 'mean' that also led me down the path to chronically apologizing.
On a happier note, with age I have definitely gained the confidence to shrug things off. Who cares what Jane Doe thinks? Though this is harder to do when you actually care that person's opinions (aka a close friend or parent).
Feel free to leave comments & share your own stories in the comments.
At the beginning of this year I wrote a post updating you all on my plans and what I was up to.
Between publishing and editing a new book I have also achieved some of those goals and thought I should update you all too. Thank you for your patience!
So far the books that have been edited and reformatted are:
So far the books that have been reformatted are:
You might have an older format or edition of the books so please update if they do not do so already.
I would be grateful if you told me if you find any discrepancies/errors. Feel free to leave a comment or send me a private message here or on Goodreads.
“The King will decide what is treason...”
These are words Catherine Carey has heard before, and they’ve always led to the block. As a girl, she saw her aunt, Anne Boleyn, go to the scaffold. Now she might see yet another Queen suffer the same fate. She has to decide. To serve her mistress would be treason, to abandon her would mean the doom of a good lady. She knows her duty is to serve her family, but what about her heart and her conscience?
In a world where any indiscretion can lead to death, where competition corrupts any friendship, and where your family is ready to abandon you, Catherine must stay ahead of the ever-changing rules. The King is becoming a monster, ready to turn on those he claimed to love. As a lady-in-waiting, Catherine sees first hand the danger of the Tudor court. She finds her dreams changing from grandeur to the peaceful existence of a country life.
However, when you are part of the great Howard family, the illegitimate daughter of the King, and cousin to the future Queen of England, there is no place for you but court.
In my latest novel, I delve into the world of the Tudors following the story of Catherine Carey - niece to the infamous Anne Boleyn and kin to Queen Elizabeth I.
I have worked hard with my editor Vanessa Ricci-Thode to put together this story and make it available to you in as an eBook and a paperback format.
I hope you enjoy.
2017: Year of Change
It may have appeared that I have been taking a break but this is far from the truth.
Over the last month or so I have been planning out what my goals will be for 2017. My ultimate goal revolved around the overall quality of my books. This meant writing as well as formatting.
Until recently I have not had the funds to pay for the things I envisioned (i.e. an editor). On that note, I want to thank everyone who has read or purchased a copy of my books. Not only do I feel honored but now I also want to repay you by putting out better books.
Goal #1: Find an Editor
One of my biggest goal was to hire on an editor.
I know I needed one but as I mentioned above I needed to rely on friends and family to look my manuscripts over. One of the downsides of self-publishing is that you have to build up your team yourself. This may take time but it makes all the difference.
Finally, last December I found my editor. She is currently hard at work looking over all my manuscripts and I am plugging away at some rewrites as well. Stay tuned for more.
Goal #2: Reformatting
This one was simpler than finding an editor. I had to improve my skills with formatting ebooks (or find a suitable program to help me do it).
I have been working hard at reformatting all five of my books which I have found is a huge undertaking but my efforts have been rewarded.
Here is a sneak peak:
Goal #3: Print Books
I have not had much progress on this goal yet.
I hope to do a book giveaway before the end of the year and do a trial run of some prints.
Goal #4: Write More! (Self-explanatory)